Monday, September 26, 2022

If You Want This Job, We Must Interview You Forever

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FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: March 18, 2022

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for applying for the user-interface-ninja position at Bubble App.

We are pleased to invite you to a preliminary Zoom interview with our hiring manager, Megan Reynolds.

Please click here to schedule a time. We look forward to speaking with you!

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: March 24, 2022

Dear Applicant,

We are happy to invite you to a second-round interview, next Wednesday, at 1 P.M.

This two-hour, round-robin Zoom call will include our entire U.I. team: Marissa, Kris, Devon, Sandeep, Camille, Thomas, Charna, and Tom.

The team is excited to meet you, make small talk, and ad-lib a bunch of questions to fill time.

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: March 30, 2022

Dear Applicant,

We heard great things from the U.I. team! We are eager to initiate phase three of the interview process. Please join us for a full-day team experience at Bubble App HQ, where the agenda will include the following:

A panel interview with our V.P.s of engineering, sales, technology,
marketing, global marketing, and user happiness.An Enneagram test and one-on-ones with nineteen different people in H.R.A fajita lunch, some improv games, and a Ping-Pong tournament, after which you will be evaluated on our five-dimensional Work Hard, Play Harder
assessment matrix.A ninety-minute walk-and-chat around our man-made lagoon with our
C.E.O., Benji, and Benji’s dog, Mr. Rex. (Mr. Rex will “interview”
you with his barks!)Phase three starts at 8 A.M. sharp, next Monday, and lasts for fourteen Pomodoro-timer cycles, concluding at 5:38 P.M.

We can’t wait to see you there!

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: April 6, 2022

Dear Applicant,

We’re thrilled to invite you to a fourth-round interview—an overnight camping trip with our twenty-five-person human-success department.

This interview is all about culture fit. It will include a hike to a waterfall, a campfire sing-along to niche seventies folk songs, a midnight skinny-dip, and some spooky ghost stories that are also silly. Please make your story sixty-forty scary-silly, as our team prefers to be only moderately frightened.

Afterward, everyone will vote on whether they find you fearless and fun. The itinerary is attached. We’re excited to camp with you!

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: April 16, 2022

Dear Applicant,

You got a lot of “yes” votes, so we are delighted to initiate our community-stakeholder interview.

Could you come by Bubble HQ tomorrow and give a thirty-minute TED-style talk to an auditorium of six hundred employees, followed by a Q. & A.? Think of it as one very big interview where everyone can see what you bring to the table!

Your topic is “The Future of U.I.”

P.S. The tone of the talk should be jovial, with some great zingers.

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: April 26, 2022

Dear Applicant,

We are ready to discuss your offer—almost!

First, we need to test your lateral-thinking abilities with a hypothetical-situations interview.

You will wear a state-of-the-art V.R. headset and interact, virtually, with several H.R. managers who will appear as holographic avatars of historical figures and fantasy characters, ranging from King Tut to Darth Maul.

These avatars may ask you anything: how you would resolve certain historical conflicts, which hot sauce you most identify with, etc. They could even invite you to role-play a scene from “The Phantom Menace.”

Then the tables will be turned and you will interview them, asking questions and performing improvised role-plays that probe the very nature and limits of job interviews. You can also ask about dental benefits.

The V.R. rig will be on your doorstep momentarily.

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: May 5, 2022

Dear Applicant,

We loved your role-play with Benjamin Franklin! We want to hire you, probably.

We are working through some internal process changes and will follow up in the next two hours to two months.

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: September 10, 2022

Dear Applicant,

It’s official! We’re elated to offer you the U.I.-ninja job at Bubble App. Your offer letter is attached. Welcome to the team!

FROM: jobs@bubbleapp.com
DATE: October 5, 2022

Dear Applicant,

As you may be aware, the past three weeks have been a test. You have been “working” at a facsimile of our HQ staffed by trained actors.

We call this “surviving the Matrix”—the final stage of your interview.

Unfortunately, we are sorry to say that we are moving forward with another candidate.

We have enjoyed getting to know you these past eight months. The entire team wishes you all the best in your job search.

Warmly,

Benji, Bubble C.E.O.
Megan Reynolds, Bubble H.R. (a.k.a. Darth Maul)
Mr. Rex ♦

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